The office of tax collector is not one requiring a great deal of scholastic accreditation or professional certification. Indeed, the current occupant of the office is boastful of having neither
However, now that Lamar Pooler has thrown his hat in the ring for tax collector, we feel obligated to point out some troubling facts that voters may not know.
          It is fine for Mr. Pooler to admit that he likes raw steaks. It’s all right with us if he prefers to sleep in a bed shaped like an open coffin. We don’t care that Mr. Pooler likes to dress up in a caped costume occasionally and ride his bicycle up and down Chestnut Street in front of his home.
          But when he lists “vampire” as his main qualification for the position of tax collector, we are forced to take exception.
          Even if Mr. Pooler is just pulling taffy, it goes beyond practical joking in a run for public office.
          Mr. Pooler insists that he is telling the truth and is not backing down. In a telephone interview yesterday, he told the Herald that he was a lineal descendant of Vlad the Impaler and has the ability to fly like a bat on moonless nights.
          We say let the facts speak for themselves. Meanwhile, we urge voters to support Gladys Nash Thigpen for tax collector.
          We think Mr. Pooler should take a long look in the mirror before running for office again.

The Earnest Herald Founded 1920
Bob Cotten	Publisher, Editor-in-Chief
Dabney Pollard II	Managing Editor
Vernon Swavely	Editorial Editor
Tommy Lake Ferguson	Local Editor
Mary McNair Gardens	Goings-on Editor

Might want to bring the mops & buckets
Eating Contests Upgraded

          Gone are the hot dogs and the chicken wings and even the blueberry pies.
          Thanks to organizer, Martha Jean Sibley, this year’s “Pig Out” at the Fair will feature such dishes as Mini Beef Wellingtons with Truffle Sauce, Pastry Cups of Shrimp Bernaise and Mini Oyster Puddings en Croute.
          Ms. Sibley, who spends much of her free time every year planning the Arts Gala Ball, says Earnest needs to “promote culture, not crudity.”
          Her point is well taken. Sadly, we don’t think she will get the result she is after.
          Last year, Frank Leroy Lucas gobbled up 61 hot dogs and never had, as it were, a “reverse”. We think it is not likely that Frank Leroy or any other contestant in the world could down 61 oyster puddings en croute without losing, shall we say, his “composure”.
          It is estimated that when Frank Leroy won last year, he had seven of the hot dogs still stuffed in or partially in his mouth when the bell went off.
          That would not be possible with mini Beef Wellingtons in Truffle Sauce or Pastry Cups of Shrimp Bernaise
          If Ms. Sibley would like to avoid real, genuine, out and out “crudity”, we think she would be better off going with the tried and true and not trying to force culture down the throats of this years contestants. And then back up again!

Medical News You Can Use

          Many people seem to labor under the misapprehension that psychologists and psychiatrists are able read other peoples’ minds but it is true?
          Yes--- as long as it is a misapprehension.

City Council to Weigh in
on Measures Controversy

          One Friday last month, a reporter from this paper ordered a soft drink at one of our fast food restaurants and was asked; “medium or large?”
          “I just want the small,” he replied.
          “We only have medium and large,” he was told.
          “You mean small and large,” he responded.
          “No,” the clerk insisted, “just medium and large. If you want the small, you’ll have to order the medium.”
          Our reporter stood his ground, insisting that there could be no category of anything refered to as “medium” unless there was also the category of “small” on the one end and “large” on the other and that he did not want the “medium” drink, which was approximately the size of a bathtub but, rather, the small, which, he assumed would only hold a quart or so.
          “Sorry,” the clerk said, “it’s either the medium or the large. We don’t have the small.”
          When we passed this along to Mayor Felton Claypool, he said he was aware of the same phenomenon at his favorite coffee shop and would look ito it.
          Today, after a week of canvassing, it appears that City Council members have agreed that featuring only “medium” and “large” items without having “small” in the mix, confuses the public.
          We agree, but we aren’t concerned about the respective volume of fluids in a cup.
          Our concern is that if young people grow up being told that “small” is the same as “medium” or that “large” is the opposite of “medium”, or that there is no such thing as “small” they may well come to believe that a half-dozen equals three or that rocket scientists have the same IQ’s as window jockeys in a hash house.

Mitchell Brickett

          Mr. Brickett, 45, of 221 N. 3rd Place, died in a fall from a stepladder in his backyard Sunday while attempting to remove a hornets nest from his peach tree.
          He had managed to carefully separate the nest from a limb without disturbing the hornets, when his 105-pound rotweiller puppy, “Nutsy”, apparently thinking he had a ball and wanted to play, plunged into the ladder, toppling Mr. Brickett and a thick swarm of hornets to the ground, causing him to suffer a broken neck and hundreds of hornet stings.
          Mr. Brickett, who is divorced, had no children and is survived by his mother, Thelma Flynt Brickett of the same address, and also by “Nutsy” who was not severly affected.
          Mr. Brickett was the owner of Brickett’s Exterminating Company, 331 Broad Street.
Services pending.

Bobby Gene Vickers

          Robert G. “Bobby” Vickers, passed away early Saturday morning at his home, 97 Creekmore Place, where he lived alone, after suffering smoke inhalation from a fire. He was 38.
          Firemen who attempted to revive Mr. Vickers at the scene, said they found him seated in the charred remains of an overstuffed easy chair, surrounded by empty whiskey miniatures. Apparently the chair caught fire from Mr. Vicker’s burning cigarette, unbeknownst to him, and smoldered causing the smoke inhalation.
          Mr. Vickers often was heard to brag that he smoked two packs of cigarettes a day and drank a fifth of hard liquor every night and never went to the doctor and never had a cold and that it would take “a lot more than booze and cigarettes” to kill him. Apparently this has proved not to be the case.
          Services pending.

Thought for the Day
 by Larry Lance Blalock

Oh to return to the lost times of yore
To go down to the lee of the windward shore
Where mysterious indian footfalls fell
And the black lagoon paints an image of hell
And ghosts of ships captains with treasures to hide
Come sadly entreating to sit at my side.

And whisper the lore of the windward shore
Where the ghosts of indian footfalls fell
‘Ere the sad crewmen weigh anchor no more...

If the meaning of this assinine drivel escapes you, you are not alone. However, If you have a favorite inspiration, maudlin sentiment or disgusting poem that you would like to share with our readers, send a typed copy (only) to The Editor here at the Herald where it will either be used or wadded up and thrown in the wastecan. Iambic pentameter is prefered but not required. Scented envelopes will be discarded without opening.

Clarisse McGinnis

          Mrs. McGinnis, 84, passed away peacefully Sunday evening at Limited Religion Hospital, following a short illness.
          She was the granddaughter of Samuel Isaac Longnecker, one of the original founders of the town of Earnest and spent much of her life as an enthusiastic “booster”. It was she who started the activity which would end in the completion of the Lake Ida Dam, creating 227 miles of shoreline for Earnest residents to enjoy.
          Mrs. McGinnis is survived by two sons, one daughter, seven grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. Services will be Tuesday at 11:00 at the Fiercely Independent Presbyterian Church followed by a private graveside service at the Unrelenting Epiphany Cemetery.

Thought for the Ages
   You can trust the old saying that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. You can also trust the Lamar-Wofford Funderal Home to make burial and cremation a comforting experience for all, regardless of costs.

 Lamar-Wofford
“The Rest is Final “