The Municipal Water & Sewer Authority is in dire need of funds to keep operating and maintaining safe water and sewer service for all residents. The Authority is asking citizens to open their taps for a half-hour each day so that budget enhancements may occur,
          The problem seems to be citizen resistance to no less than eight rate hikes imposed by the Authority over the past two years. In that time rates have increased about 85 percent and many residents have radically cut back on their water usage
          Apparently, many customers have contracted well-drilling companies to install domestic pumps on their properties.
          With each rate increase, the number of people drilling their own wells has gone up.

It's a real head-scratcher!

          The Water Authority admits that it is at a loss to figure out why these rate increases did not result in more revenues as planned.
          Our suggestion to the Water Authority is just to go down to Otis’s Bar and have a few beers and see if you can figure it out on your own.
          And when you do, call Congress and tell them what you have learned.
          We won’t be holding our breath.

The Earnest Herald Founded 1920
Bob Cotten	Publisher, Editor-in-Chief
Dabney Pollard II	Managing Editor
Vernon Swavely	Editorial Editor
Tommy Wainwright	Local Editor
Mitch Thornberry	Sports & Outdoors Editor
Ann-Mare Steadman	Goings-on Editor

Youth Concert Series in Park to Be Withdrawn for Next Season

          For over 30 years, band students at Earnest High School have played off-key, arythymic renditions of such classic favorites as “Stars Fell on Alabama” and “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” at the Music-in-the-Park Festival.
          However, this summer’s events as well as future festivals will not include the band. We can only say that their screeching and out-of-tune performances will be missed.
          To hear “In the Mood” and realize that it might actually be “Stompin’ at the Savoy”, or the National Anthem, is to experience such a profound disconnect that it challenges one’s very sanity. These truly were rare, museum-quality, adventures in dysfunctional music.
          Band leader, Pomeroy Philpot, who led the young musicians for the entire life of the series, admits being “addicted” to “big band” and “swing” era music. He attributes his other addictions to forcing his early retirement.
          We take this opportunity to thank Col. Philpot for his many years of dedicated service, much of it performed under the influence of various self-imposed handicaps unrelated to his inner-ear problems.
          It will be with deep appreciation that we observe his absence at this summer’s events.

Science News You Can Use

          Scientists writing in the New England Journal of Superficial Behavior, note that frogs placed in a pot of cold water which is slowly heated, will jump out when the water gets warm.
          The article also concludes that people who lift the same, small, growing calf every day will eventually realize that they have some sort of mental problem.

          The Southern States chapter of the “Truth Be Damned” organization will hold its annual conference at the Cow Palace Arena in Cletus this summer. Earnest had been lobbying to host the event.
          The Herald’s position is that we really don’t care. This is the same group that made news last year by claiming humpback whales as the source of a secret code used by gangs of Hawaiian counterfiters to ruin the world’s money supply under the direction of Henry Kissinger.
          The world still has money. As of this publication, it still had Kissinger.
          We welcome any legitimate interest in science but we doubt that mind rays from space ships are forcing SUV’s to go out of control and deliberately run into farm animals. We don’t think Bigfoot is being imprisoned underneath the Governor’s Mansion for use as a sperm donor or that the dark side of the moon is a resort area for Russian government leaders.
          Do we really want 350 people from out of state wandering around in Earnest looking for and then claiming secret plots in every backyard?
          As far as we’re concerned these folks can make up anything they want to and they are welcome to do it over in Cletus with our blessing.

"Bustin 'Shine" Actual morning still bust in a south Georgia swamp.

Honus Broadwater

          Mr. Honus Broadwater, residence listed as 662 Twin Oaks Road, passed away Sunday at Limited Religion Hospital, after suffering a fall from his tractor. He was 81.
          Mr Broadwater had been attempting to dislodge some squirrels from a pecan tree by repeatedly ramming the tractor into the trunk when he was thrown over the engine cowl and into the tree.
          Relatives reported Mr. Broadwater missing from the Dementia Unit of Sacred Cash Eldercare Facility on Creekwood Street last Thursday and were unable to explain how he managed to get the tractor out of the barn and run it into the tree. Attempts to help him avoid getting on the machine by nephew Carl Broadwater, were to no avail.
          Honus Broadwater retired in 1999 from the Broadwater Pest Extermination Company, which he founded in 1949, to specialize in rodent control.
          Services are at Lamar-Wofford Funeral Home, 2 p.m. Wednesday.

Dory Lanahan

          Ms. Lanahan, 93, passed away on Friday at her home, 16 Chestnut Street, after a short illness. She had been under the care of relatives for the last two weeks of her life.
          Ms. Lanahan, a retired, 3rd grade schoolteacher who never married, ventured into oil reclaimation in 1974, leasing the mineral rights to a “dry” portion of the the old Koko Oil Company property adjacent to Tyler Swamp. She made a fortune estimated at $23 million by the time she sold her leases in 1979.
          Family members noted her charitable giving included a grant to outfit all elementary schools in Earnest with central air conditioning.
          Funeral services are at First Baptist Church on Tuesday at 11:00 a.m.

Thought for the Day
 by Talmadge Simpson Mabry

Monday through Friday ,
Good Lord A’mighty
I can barely pay the bills.
The money I make
other people take
And nothing is left for frills.
Why don’t those who pay
Wake up some day
And just give my dough
To the people I owe
And leave me out of the way?

(If you have a favorite inspiration, maudlin sentiment or syrupy poem that you would like to share with our
readers, send a typed copy (only) to The Editor here at the Herald where it will either be used or thrown
away. Iambic pentameter is prefered but not required. Scented envelopes will be discarded without opening.

Talmidge Gene Wyndham

          Talmadge Gene Wyndham, know by his family and friends as “TG” died Late Saturday following an incident at the “Mossy Prop” fish camp on Lake Ida. He was 37.
          Mr Wyndham was electrocuted when he attempted to retreive some coins off the edge of the wharf by immersing a plugged-in trouble light into the water to see better.
          He leaves his mother, Mrs. Betty Jean Wundham, two sisters, both living in Thornberry, and a cousin known only as “Lee Roy”.
          TG was well liked by his friends and was voted “most talented” in his 1998 graduating Vo-Tech class, where he majored in elecrical repair.

Thought for the Ages
  You can trust the old saying that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. You can also trust the Lamar-Wofford Funderal Home to make burial and cremation a comforting experience for all, regardless of costs.

 Lamar-Wofford
“The Rest is Final “